I wrote that last post as it was something I had been thinking about. And as a way to distract myself from what is going on right here.
In case you are waiting to hear about Bonnie, here is the news.
Yesterday the results arrived from the biopsy and it was confirmed she has an aggressive cancer, a lymphoma. The traditional treatment would be chemotherapy to slow down the growth of the tumour and possibly buy her more time, up to 9 months.
There are several treatment options, all of them causing possible side effects with the most powerful being the worst and the single drug option being perhaps too weak to make a difference.
We also have to keep in mind that Border Collies have a special sensitivity to chemotherapy. They don’t always deal with it well.
Now it is decision time. Not just about that but about diet and chosing between the vast array of natural supplements which are known to be possibly tumour reducing. And where do I spend these last months with her? Here in the city with no garden? On the Costa Brava at Sant Nicolau in a beautiful and much loved environment but far away from my normal life? Or do I even consider a mad dash up through France to get her ‘home’ to Cornwall?
November always has this shady side. A month when fears and shadows can loom large.
The desire to bury my head under the duvet threatens to overwhelm me.
But I must be Bonnies decision-maker and primary carer even though I feel totally inadequate for the task.
I am not ready. I wasn’t expecting this to happen, not yet.
She meanwhile seems well, or so I think. She is eating and sleeping and playing ball as usual. I try not to look at her with a mournful gaze. I am stroking her head with fast soft repetitive caresses as recommended by the Dog Cancer Vet. It is supposed to remind her of her mother licking her face when she was a puppy and it’s true that she always ends up falling gently asleep