Being here

You don’t need to go anywhere so long as you are totally present where you are.  Being here is so much        

Rilke

being alive
Being here is so much

Living in another country is a strange experience. It gives and it takes away.

There is always a balance between what is wonderful here and what I am missing over there.

Some days this bothers me a lot, and other days it doesn’t.

I try to imagine how I would feel if I had never left home….the security, the familiarity, the sense of deep roots connecting me and holding me fast.

All I know is that somehow this experience of being ‘somewhere ever so slightly alien’ makes me feel awake, even when sometimes I would rather be sleeping.

This evening, walking at dusk through the natural reserve at the Aiguamolls, worrying slightly that we might not reach the car-park before dark, the colours of the sunset made me stop thinking for a long moment. Suddenly here too it felt like home – ‘planet earth’ home – ‘the amazingness of being alive’ home.

being alive
stairway to heaven

I don’t know where home is and I don’t even know what it means to be alive but in those moments when nature is outstandingly beautiful, dreamy, magical, I almost catch a sense of what it’s all about.

Do you know what I mean?

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6 thoughts on “Being here

  1. I get that sense ‘of what it is all about’ when I see a lunar eclipse. The earth’s shadow, exactly covering the sun on the moon. I imagine that I am one tiny speck on the edge of the shadow and I realise how incredibly tiny I am. That makes me feel very safe and a part of the universe. That’s my home feeling.

    1. I wish that feeling tiny made me feel safe. I still struggle with feeling really safe here on this planet. I say ‘still’ as if I expect it would be easy but I have always felt quite weird when I feel the infinite nature of the universe. Yet, planet earth things like sunsets or the sound of the waves on the shore can make me feel at home, pretty much anywhere.

  2. The first time I felt at home, yet far away was in Venice. The sights, sounds, smells all had a familiarity yet, it was all so strange. I felt so small, yet so connected.

    1. Hello Susan, I love that feeling when a new place feels familiar. I had that in Buenos Aires and also when I first arrived in Barcelona. Yet, in Paris for example, I feel very much a stranger. It’s funny isn’t it? I do think travelling is good in general as it can make far away places seem normal and safe.

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